Wednesday, March 30, 2016

Time To Say Goodbye

"At This Time," I have been thinking much about TIME. Princess Four is home for spring break and we have had a few discussions about time. 

My mother is "running out of time" and we talked about how Princess Four doesn't like people to tell her what to do so when someone tells her what time she needs to be somewhere, she has in the past "bucked" being "on time" due to the feeling that she wouldn't be in control if she was "On Time."

We were talking about how she could let that issue go by choosing that she wanted to be on time and then no one would be telling her she had to be there as she would just choose it for herself. 

I believe, we sometimes in our lives, create issue when we feel we have no control. Princess Four was a difficult pregnancy for me. I was on bed rest for three months with her as it "Wasn't my Time" and we decided to induce her early as my feet were swollen and hanging over the edges of my shoes. 

I wonder if situations like that affect our entire lives. Forcing her to come perhaps when she wasn't "ready" to come. As we talked about that and other situations in her life where she didn't have control of time, we came up with many "times" when she wasn't in control of "time" in her life. 

Other situations came into our conversations and made me reflect on what we do with our time and the phrases that have come about and are really "telling" of time. 

Do we "take the time" to do what we should or want to do or do we just "spend our time" on things that don't really matter. "Often times" we don't "take the time" to "Say hello / goodbye, I'm late, I'm late, I'm late" because "Time after Time" we set "Time Limits" waiting for the "Perfect Time" to visit or be with friends. 

Princess and I also talked about how I have often quoted the scripture: Matthew 20:16 "So the last shall be first, and the first last" when the children were young and would fight to be first, I would make those fighting about being first be the last ones to get something and would quote that scripture. Also, in our society, we have a saying: "Last the best of all the game." making it seem to a child that being last to something or being in the last spot is something desirable. I gave her mixed messages about her "place in time."I had to ask her to forgive me for creating the belief in her.  

For children, there are many "times" that they don't like. "Time to Leave" and when my children were young, I would count down leaving hoping to make the "Time to go" easier so I would say, "We are leaving in 15 minutes" then break it down to 10, then 5, and then have them get their shoes on and tell them it is "Time to go Home."

Another one that most children hate to hear is "Bed Time" as it means they may miss something. Princess Two always thought for sure that we would get ice cream and watch movies ever night to "Pass the Time" once the kids were in bed. 

One my children really disliked was "Time Out" as they would have to leave what they were doing and be alone for a certain amount of time depending on their age. Princess Two actually enjoyed time out and would stand on her head and talk to her imaginary friends etc. Princess Three got to the point that she would want to be in "Time Out" with Princess Two because she looked like she was having more fun in the corner. We have had many laughs about that over the years. 
One that all of my children struggled with was their "Times Tables." Those "Took Time" to learn. Each person "Takes their Time" to learn them.

Another one my children really had a hard time learning was "Telling Time." We had to teach the difference between digital and regular clocks. I always thought that was an odd figure of speech. How does one "Tell Time" but I guess if they can tell you what time it is, that would be "telling time." 

When we are teens, we have "Too Much Time on our Hands" and are told  "Have the Time of your Life!" Lately, I don't feel like there's "Not Enough Time" to get what I need to done.  

With my mother being here, there have been a few different songs running through my mind over and over. One is a song from a Christian Musical called "Saturdays Warrior" about a boy trying to decide to make his own way and choices or if what his parents taught him all his life was "true" for him. The song is called - "Sailing On" and here is someone singing the song and when you read the first chorus of the lyrics, you will understand that while having my mother here, the song would come to me over and over as her "Time" on earth is coming to an end. 

Sailing On 
What is that sound risin' up from the world?
The sound of a clock ticking on
With hours and minutes I've yet to meet in a life that soon will be gone,
soon will be gone, soon will be gone.

What is that sound risin' up from the world?
The swell of the tide at the gate.
Where children set sail without knowing too well
That the time is growing late, growing late, growing late.

I'm sailin' on I'm not a stranger.
My faith will ride through wind and tide and stormy sea.
I'm sailin' on out of the harbor
There is a distant lamp that lights the way for me.
I hope they hold it high so I can see.
I'm sailin' on

What is that sound risin' up from the world?
The clang of a bell on the ledge.
While young ones play on there merry way
As they float right over the edge, over the edge, over the edge.

I know one that I don't like hearing myself "Sometimes" is "Isn't it About Time You..." and then someone fills in the blank with something they feel YOU should be doing. I think if it was something I thought I should do, I would do it, so when someone tells me "Isn't it about time....." type of comments, it isn't something I enjoy hearing "Most of the Time."

As my mother gets to the end of her "Time" of life, other phrases come into my mind. "Time Waits For No Man" and "Time Passes". 

The song that has come into my mind over and over the past few weeks at least once a day or more is the song, "I'll Follow You into the Dark." A few years back, Princess Three sang this for me and I hadn't heard it before. I posted about it and here is a link to that post. 
Here is the video of Princess singing it for you. I will post some of the lyrics here and will highlight the ones that I think are on my mind. 

Love of mine
Someday you will die
But I'll be close behind
I'll follow you into the dark

No blinding light
Or tunnels, to gates of white
Just our hands clasped so tight
Waiting for the hint of a spark

If Heaven and Hell decide that they both are satisfied
Illuminate the no's on their vacancy signs
If there's no one beside you when your soul embarks
Then I'll follow you into the dark

You and me have seen everything to see
From Bangkok to Calgary
The soles of your shoes are all worn down
The time for sleep is now
It's nothing to cry about
Cause we'll hold each other soon

 The blackest of rooms

One morning last week, I was singing the song in the kitchen while getting my mother breakfast and she asked me what song I was singing. Since I only know the chorus and the title, I told her it was a love song called, "I'll follow you into the dark." and she said, "That sounds like a morbid love song." 

Looking back, I wish I had searched for the lyrics and figured out why it was on my mind so much all the time. It wasn't until one night when I was in bed trying to go to sleep and couldn't that I searched the lyrics, as the song was playing over and over in my mind keeping me from sleep. When I read the words, "The time for sleep is now" I laughed out loud as I WISHED I could have slept and that the time for sleep was then because I was so tired. 

However, I don't think that is what the song coming into my mind was telling me. My mother has been all over the world over and over many times. She is the most world traveling person I know. I am sure there are some world tour artists that may have been to more countries but my mother has actually visited places in the countries and seen the sights. Learning new cultures, languages and customs is probably one of her favorite things as she collected original costumes, jewelry, dolls and musical instruments from every country she visited.  

Her last major trip happened to be with me a few years back which was a 48 hour nightmare trip to a museum grand opening in the Czech Republic. The company that hosted us was great but with it being Thanksgiving week and Princess Two having an unexpected surgery the day before, and having plane trouble on the way there, it wasn't our hosts fault the trip was so horrible. It was just circumstance. Here is a link to our trip a few years back to the Czech Republic.

My mother has "Taken the Time" to see the things she needed and wanted to see. She has traveled from Bangkok to Calgary. She has walked countless miles and her shoes are worn. It is "Time to sleep." 

I couldn't help thinking of her crying in her bed the morning she left with the next line as, "It's nothing to cry about" is about what I did tell her that morning as she told me she was dying. 

This brought me to the scripture in Ecclesiastes 3 1-8

To every thing there is a season, and a time to every purpose under the heaven:
A time to be born, and a time to die; a time to plant, and a time to pluck up that which is planted;
A time to kill, and a time to heal; a time to break down, and a time to build up;
A time to weep, and a time to laugh; a time to mourn, and a time to dance;
A time to cast away stones, and a time to gather stones together; a time to embrace, and a time to refrain from embracing;
A time to get, and a time to lose; a time to keep, and a time to cast away;
A time to rend, and a time to sew; a time to keep silence, and a time to speak;
A time to love, and a time to hate; a time of war, and a time of peace.

Truly, we are all given a certain amount of time on earth and we get to choose how we will spend "OUR TIME" while here. I bought some jewelry recently at a second hand store as you know I do if you read my blog regularly. Here is a link to a post about buying some at an estate sale and why I buy it.

The bags I purchased had LOTS of watches in them "This Time" and I thought it would be fun to use them for my blog. It is funny how the watches are like people. Some spend their time following famous people. Some are very colorful and some are black and white. Some are wide, some have numbers of all sizes for those who can't decide to commit. Some are expensive and some are cheap. Some are flashy and some are very plain.A few are broken, some are scratched so much from being worn while working they are barely functional. Some are really direct and straight forward, some are vague with no numbers and just a few dots marking four spots on the watch. Some are "Sporty" and can be worn in extreme places like under water or in the cold and can take the "pressure" needed for those extremes. 

"Time Heals All Wounds" - Even the loss of those we love. I wish that the saying "Time is on my side" were true for my mother at present but know that "In Time" I will be able to deal with my mothers loss and realize that very soon, it will be "Time to Say Goodbye." I leave you with video....

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