Monday, December 6, 2010

The Grass may be Greener but it is Full of Weeds! Part 1

I have never thought of posting something like this. This week was very stressful and long. Today itself was horrid with fighting a migraine and many meetings, choir practice, church, visiting friends and practicing a song for church next Sunday with my girls. I had one thing in mind to blog about. Then, I would have just been happy to post anything and have it done. Something I had been pondering then came into mind and I looked for a specific picture to use.

Well, I should have just prayed about what to write in the beginning. I prayed to find the picture as my head is about to split and it is 1 a.m. But, I prayed about finding the picture but then something else came into my mind. I wouldn't write about something like this as I am single and who am I to give advice but this is what I feel I should write about so take it for what it is and perhaps you may have a friend that is struggling with perhaps getting a divorce or thinking about it. Pass this along if you feel it would help in anyway.

My advice.... Unless there is abuse (which is never excusable) STAY MARRIED!

I have been alone going on 9 years now. I am happier single than I ever was married. However, I have dated many and met many who have said, "If I ever knew it was like this to be single, I would have stayed married." Being single is not fun, exciting, an adventure or anything else.

If you or someone you know is thinking about divorcing. I suggest you take off your rings for one day. Go do everything alone. Go to dinner alone, go to a movie alone, mow your yard without help, cook and clean up without help. Give your spouse the day off. Write a list before you do and write down all the things that that spouse would have done that day. Then, write a list of everything you would do that day. Make sure it is a "Real" day with kids needing rides several places, cars or appliances breaking etc.

That day, you take your kids to school after feeding them. Get the laundry, house, yard and cars all taken care of by yourself. If you have younger kids, you would have to load them up each time you leave. You can't call your spouse about anything making all choices alone. Then, when you go out make sure your ring is off. Look at every person of the opposite sex as a potential spouse. Now, this is the hard part. Imagine that every person is looking at you as a potential spouse. See yourself as if you were on display for that person. Would he or she want someone with 5 kids? Would they want someone over weight? Would they be interested if they knew how much were in my bank account or how much debt I owe?

The questions you can ask can go on and on because each person would have their own "wish" list for a spouse. Usually when I say I have five kids, that is enough for a guy to lose interests. He doesn't know that they are the best part of me and my five are better than most people's one. I figure it is his loss.

Then, that night after you have done everything alone and you are exhausted, you need to get yourself dressed in your best. Mind that you have to find sitters and have everything settled before you go so it will be about 10 p.m. (That is the usual time or later I get out when I go out) Now, the fun begins....

Go to a club or dance spot. Go in and feel everyone looking at you as if you were in a shop window. You look at everyone with a microscope. You realize you are also under a microscope. 9 out of 10 people are "not OK" on your list of height, weight, soberness, etc. So, you finally get asked to dance by someone that seems somewhat normal and then he asks you something like (and I quote, these two quotes were actually said to me) "Is your daughter studying Penisology at college like her mother?" or "Do you want to save a horse?" So, the first I think was referring to my nursing degree and was actually a man introduced to me by someone I knew from high school. The second comment, I had no idea what he was talking about because I don't listen to country music. I guess the song is something about "Save a horse and ride a cowboy." Both men looked normal at first glance.

To be continued.....

1 comment:

  1. Dear Tejae,

    First of all I want to say that I love the name of your blog! Gratitude is both the most important thing in the world, but sadly also what it seems to lack...

    This is the first time I read a post of yours, and if you don't mind, I will say what comes to my mind.
    I am only 20 years old and I might be from a different part of this world, but I get what you mean. My dad had a severe stroke almost two years ago and ever since, my mum has been doing all the things you described on her own. Even if not caused by the same event (marriage), facing the tasks of this world alone is never easy. You, and everyone, deserves a partner to be able to go through bad times, but also just the simplest things like grocery shopping. My mom is a broken woman, however similar or not to you, all I want to say to her and you, is to not stop believing in love and life. It might not always come out the way I intend towards my mum, but in my heart I mean it.
    I would also like to say that I plan on commiting my whole life to a person. I am sure that if we work on it, we will have the best life ever.

    I haven't allowed myself these thoughts in quite a while, so thank you. Have a blessed Christmas time, you and your family!

    If you want to read/get a glimpse of some of the stuff that inspires me, check out this: and/or this:

    Antonia from Germany

    PS: I found your post through this amazing website: :)