No Offense Taken Part - 2

A few years ago, I was working on self improvement and I asked someone if she thought I was doing better. She said, "Since you asked, I have noticed one thing you do. When you are telling a story you go to the middle of the room and get everyone's attention and while you are telling the story, you say, "AND THEN," and you stick your tongue on your teeth and draw it out while everyone is waiting for what is next."


I said, "Really? I have never noticed that. I will look at that." I went home and asked a few of my friends if they noticed that about me. I didn't take offense or get upset by it, I just searched to see if I did that. My friends said they had never noticed me doing that. A few weeks later, I was with that same person and she was in the middle of the room telling a story and said, "AND THEN," with her tongue on her teeth and I started laughing. I realized at that time that what upsets us in others is something we have an issue with in ourselves or is an issue with something that has been done to us that we haven't forgiven and let go of prior and that is why we are annoyed by things in others.



That situation was such a revelation to me. I noticed that if someone says something to me that I have an issue with, I get upset and try to defend it. If it is something I don't have an issue with, it doesn't bother me. I use this example when I am working on an issue with my children. For example, I say, "If I called you purple and said you were really purple, would you be upset?" They reply "no." I ask, "Why?" They usually reply, "Because it isn't true." Then I say something about them that is true and a possible issue or something that has come up. "If I said you are a gossip (or whatever the issue is) does that upset you?" They say, "Yes." Then I explain that if we are defending it, it is probably true.



Another thing I learned through my life is, if someone is defending something so much that it is overboard, they don't believe what they are defending. If I hold a piece of real gold in my hand, I know it is real. So, if I tell you it is a piece of gold, I am not going to continue to try and make you believe me because it really doesn't matter if you believe me. I KNOW it is real. However, if I am holding a piece of fools gold in my hand and I tell you it is gold, I will continue to try and get you to believe it and continue to "sell" you on the fact that it is real gold. You may have believed me from the first word but I won't let it go and will continue to try and sell you on the fact that it is real.



So, when I see a flaw in others or get irritated by something, I figure it is the mote in my eye and possibly they only have a splinter in theirs. I try to look inward and find what is blocking my view and damning my progression and keeping me from moving forward.