Another Great Loss - Grandma, Mother, and Friend

When I was engaged, I attended the church we would be living in after we got married. At the time, the bishop / pastor / minister over the congregation and his wife were amazing people. 

I was far from home living on the opposite coast as my family. This couple were similar in age to my parents, and I developed a VERY close relationship to this couple, and especially the wife in my situation. 

My marriage was in trouble from the first few weeks, and not having any family around, I was able to go to this woman for help not knowing how to deal with the situation and being so far from any family and friends.

This woman hosted my baby shower for my first child, she knew about the struggles I went through in my marriage, and was supportive when I thought about leaving my marriage before having my second child. She babysat my children when needed, and took care of them when I was in nursing school. 

She took care of me after I had Princess Three and was in the hospital very sick with a high fever, and took care of the kids while I healed. 

Even after we moved across the country, she and her husband came to visit the kids. We stayed at their house when we went to visit the East Coast. 

I staying with them when I went to visit and attend Mitt Romney's inauguration as the Governor of MA. This is a photo I took on that trip. The picture is on my fridge in the kitchen and I smile each time I see it as it makes me remember how loved I feel from them. 

I went back after "Dad" passed away around 2010. She came to visit Princess One when she graduated from college with her Social Work degree. 

Princess One went to visit her after that to help her organize some things in her home. 

We called her every holiday so the kids could visit with her and give her updates on what was going on in their lives. I called her regularly and no matter how much time passed, it was like none had passed. 

We would laugh for hours visiting and she knew everything about my life. She was like a mother to me as my mother was a public figure and spent much of her life traveling and I often had to take care of her needs rather than her taking care of mine. I would never leave my children with my mother as she just wasn't that type of mom. She was amazing in so many ways, but with 8 children and a public life, she never had the time to "mother" me. 

If I was ever stressed in life, and especially during my divorce, she was the person I would call. She was my support system, confidant, mother, grandmother to my children, and best friend. She knew me better than most people in my family. I never felt judged by her and never felt like I needed to justify myself with her. She was just "THERE" for me and my girls.

She would send money to me and my girls on her limited income. The girls paternal grandmother has never sent me or my girls money, gifts, or supported them in any way since the divorce. This woman WAS their grandmother by CHOICE, not by blood. She just really was an all around support. 

It was funny when I would call her and she wasn't home or didn't answer, because I put in her answering machine years ago and she didn't want to leave a message on the machine, so I put the message on the answering machine and every time I would call, I would hear my own voice! In the past few months, when I would call her, she would tell me she was having trouble hearing anyone on the phone. The last few calls were cut short because she said she was having a "Bad hearing day." 

I got a call from a mutual friend Friday morning saying that she wasn't doing well. I received a text a bit later in the day saying she had passed away. I had no idea how hard that news would hit me. It the past month or so, I lost a host father, one of my best friends, another very close friend, and now this "mother" in my life. 

I couldn't believe that I could lose four people so influential in my life in such a short time. I sobbed and sobbed realizing that this was probably the closest I would ever feel to losing a spouse. When my former spouse left, it was a relief and I have never felt much of a loss. I felt loss for what I wish I would have had in a marriage, but not for his leaving. So, this woman dying was like losing a friend, confidant, and close family member. 

My girls were all really supportive and called or texted. Princess Two said she would come home for a visit just so I wouldn't be alone. She helped me clean up the rest of the broken tree branches from the ice storm. We played games and worked on cleaning out one of the bedrooms. 

Before she arrived, I ran a few errands and smiled when I found pennies at two different stores. I felt like God was letting me know that He was mindful of my loss and to continue to "trust in HIM". 

I wrote her only living son a text note offering to help in any way I could, and his reply was a bit hard for me to read as I felt like he had some hurt feelings at how close my family and I were with this woman. He lived across the country and they only got home to visit every 3-5 years or so. In a way, my children were more like her own grandchildren just because they spent more time together. 

I have had a few sad moments this weekend dealing with her loss, but today when I was leading the congregation closing song for our main church meeting, our closing song was called, "God Be With You Till We Meet Again" and is typically sung at funerals. I had a hard time getting through the song without shedding a tear as it may be the only funeral moment I may have with her loss. With Covid, and her not having any family in the East, and her husband was in the military, so he isn't in a local cemetery to her home, they may choose to just have a service later when her family from the west could all get together for a service of some type. 

I figure God must be creating an army of VALIANT people for some reason as he is taking SO many people lately and especially women. I shared that my daughters mother-in-law passed away in March, my other daughters sister-in-law's mother passed in August, and then two friends in our church other than the ones I mentioned earlier in this post passed recently and were women around my age and my girls were friends with their children. It has been a year of great loss. 

I hope that there isn't any more loss anytime soon. I am grateful for those that are so supportive and for the little reminders to "Trust in God" during this difficult weekend. I feel blessed to have had all these kind and amazing people in my life! 

Have a blessed day!