Thursday, July 6, 2017

A New Start - New Beginnings

I was never one to put things up on my walls other than art and I was never one to put quotes or things on my mirror or locker.

Over the past few years, little things began to get put up on my bathroom mirror by mostly others and a few by myself and I just left them there as they reminded me of the person who put it there.

Recently, I have been thinking of my life as Princess Five is going to be headed off to college in just over a month. I haven't really ever been alone for more than a week or two in most of my entire life.

I had many siblings, cousins, friends, room mates, children etc for all my life and now, in a short time, I will be living alone. I have no fear of living alone, I have so much to do to keep myself busy but I gave up dating, dancing, movies, and singles groups a few years back when my life got super busy and I just couldn't spare that amount of driving, time, and funds to those situations,

I even gave up doing things with friends or calling friends etc. I truly focused on my family and my mother. I have thought how wonderful it would be to start traveling or maybe move into a condo or something and purchase myself a van / motorhome or something where I could just leave and see the world! My girls are all over the state and world and I will soon be free to do anything I want!

I thought about working and haven't figured out what I want to do there but I have a friend who has been working and her husband just died recently and I have focused so much on my family and work, home, service etc for so many years that I really haven't looked at what I want in nearly 30 years.

I LOVE to travel. I have thought about becoming a traveling nurse but don't know that I want to be stuck into a contract and be away from the grand kids that long. They change so much each time I see them. Also, the girls aren't married and I still feel responsible to be there if they need me so I ponder on how long I could travel for without coming home.

I have thought about going on a service mission but once again, I don't know that I want to be gone when the girls may get married or need me for something.

These are the things I have been pondering over the past few weeks. I have been talking to many of the girls about things I think they need to work on or let go of in their lives and have been looking at my own life and all the things I need to do and have been putting off dealing with my crazy last year.

I made a list and have been daily checking things off that list. I am dealing with some health issues that have needed attention. I have had workers coming and fixing things that I wasn't able to fix on my home. etc. I feel like I am starting to deal with things that will make my life easier just by facing them or dealing with them.

I looked in the mirror the other day and saw the note my mom wrote me and put there when she was living with me, it didn't make much sense but she was a bit out of it near the end. I had put a "million" dollar bill up there with the "In God We Trust" on it a few years back and my sister wrote a note saying "Thanks a million for all  you are doing for mom." I found a picture of me that my mother had in a box I sorted a few months back. I was so thin back then after Princess Five was born. My mother had written a cute little note on the back so I put it on the mirror hoping I can figure out my health problems and get back to the woman I have been most of my life. I look in the mirror now and don't recognize that person!

Princess Five was having some eye issues years back and put these cute little "EYE" gratitude signs all over the house. I posted about that here. This one has been on my mirror since that day as she used to brush her teeth in my bathroom back then. I left it up as I thought it was so cute.

There is a long list of little notes that Princess Four and Five put up for my birthday last year and with Princess Four gone, I have left them up as they are so uplifting and remind me of the girls and about what they love about me.
I had a dream one night about a rainbow that followed a little rabbit and wherever that rabbit went, the rainbow followed. Soon after, I saw this t-shirt on a model in a magazine and clipped it out as it reminded me of that colorful dream I had. Looking back, you know if you read this blog that my mother always sang "Somewhere over the rainbow" to us as we went to sleep each night. We sang it at her funeral. I see rainbows often when I am needing a reminder from her that she loves me. The dream was many years before she died but looking at it now, I believe I am the busy rabbit running to and fro keeping track of my family etc and I think my mother is the rainbow watching over me wherever I go, she follows.

All these things were around the edges of my bathroom mirrors. I have a large set of three and there is plenty of room on them but I just feel like I need a fresh start and need to "clean" out my world of all the old and stagnant stuff. Of course I am still working on my mothers stuff and am getting Princess Five ready for college and we are in a play next month which is sucking many hours each day for practices but I shared recently that I am trying to clean out one drawer, cabinet, cupboard etc daily so the other day, I cleaned off all the stuff on the mirror and am clearing space for new things! I even changed out the light in there for clear globes so I can see clearly the new beginning and future! Of course this is figurative but I believe we can create things when we focus on them so I am creating a new space. Minimalistic if I can with all I have going with my mom's stuff and all the girls stuff until they move on but if I do choose to move, storage units are great!

It will be interesting to see where things go and how much I get done once she is at school. I really am not sure about anything just yet. I am hoping I can really start to get through things quickly and clean out everything. I am kind of excited to "find" myself again. I may just need to go visit all my host families in New Zealand while there are still living. Just a few things I am thinking about.

Empty nester isn't a word I placed in my world but truly, it is something we all deal with eventually.

Have a BLESSED Day!

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