Bullies or Just Being Girls?

There have been some issues over the years with my girls and friends. Not on my girls part as they usually get along with everyone. However, some of their friends are not so kind. Sometimes, it seems to go in class years. Some grades have more issues than others. I am not sure why but I have spoken with teachers and they say the same.

I don't ever remember my older girls having as many issues as my youngest Princess's group however. I am not sure what has created this or if it has always been there but my girls just avoided it. Last Halloween, there seemed to be a great divide wedging its way into her group of friends and I was sad because she didn't feel she could join either group of friends because she was worried about how either group would treat her if she went with the other so she ended up not going out with either group and didn't seem to have the best holiday.

We talked about it several times since then as small things have come up. For some reason, this past week things flared up and my Princess was hanging out with one friend and that girl wrote a "Hate" song about another one of their friends. I am proud of my princess as she told the girl that she didn't like that. In the past, my Princess has repeatedly told all her friends that she doesn't "hate" anyone if any issues come up.

The girl said she would change it to an "I don't like" song or something like that. I talked it over with my Princess when her friend left and suggested that she mention to this girl, that "How would you like it if I was hanging out with ____ and she wrote that kind of song about you?" Later that day, she mentioned this to the girl and the girl said she wouldn't care.

This was upsetting to me as this girl has been a friend of my daughter since birth. When my daughter got off the bus the next day, she told me that this friend wanted to tell her the lyrics to the "Hate" song on the bus and my Princess told her out loud, "I like you both and I don't want to hear anything bad about either of you."

The girl then said, "It doesn't matter, I'll just tell them to ____". A girl who happened to be sitting on the seat with them. She then started whispering in the other girls ear. I was proud of the other girl as she said, "I don't want to hear it either. We had a lesson last week in church about not gossiping."

Both girls stood their ground and I am sure it didn't make the bully feel very good. I mentioned to my daughter that perhaps she could have her friends over for a "friend" party and we could watch the movie on bullying called "Odd Girl Out" which is based on a New York Times best seller with the same name. It has Alexa Vega in it who started in the "Spy Kids" movies. She did a great job in the role.

Princess number 5 thought that the party was a good idea. She came home from school the next day and said that all her friends made up. I don't know what happened other than the girl that wrote the "Hate" song's parents got involved and made her change the song. My guess is they guided her on the better path. I love her parents and I am sure that is what happened.

I suggested that we still have the party and show the video after I double check with the parents of all the girls. The movie is rated PG-13 and has some real cruel treatment and issues of suicide in it. I would suggest that if you have any issues with your children that before you show them the movie, you preview it first. Here is a link to the trailer: "Odd Girl Out"

I suggested the movie to my youngest princess because I felt she needed to stand up for others who may be being bullied and would hope if she were being bullied, she would have the courage to stand up for herself and know that what they thought didn't matter. She watched it and told me she thought it was good but intense which it is. Obviously, it made an impact as she did stand up for her friend. I think the movie helped her have the courage to do that.

I am glad that she did stand up for her friends and in the end I think it makes her friends trust her more as they know she wouldn't betray them with others either. I am proud of my girls and how they have handled bullies over the years. Girls will be girls and things do happen, but, many times, I have heard back from other parents or teachers how my girls have stepped in when needed. I am blessed indeed.