Cars, ATV's, Travel, Homes... More Important than Children

Over the past few months, I have been asking some questions. I have been taking some polls. We have had lots of people coming in and visiting our home learning to knit or visiting our indoor yard sale. I have been taking polls when I am waiting at appointments, or waiting in line somewhere. I am surprised at the amount of people who have an opinion on this issue.

I have been asking people if they "Know anyone who is owed child support?" I ask "How long they have been owed support?" I ask, "How large the total has gotten?" I ask, "When they last got a payment?" I ask, "How much the payment was for?" (If it was a full payment.)

Something I have discovered over and over in asking these questions, and hearing the answers, is that many non-custodial parents care more about having a nice car, vanity plates, ATV's, boats and traveling over taking care of their children.

One person I spoke with, said they heard that in some states, people can't get hunting or fishing licenses if they aren't current on their support. That doesn't scare some who don't care to hunt or fish. It could be a good option or side bar on the law possibly.

Another person suggested that, if they aren't current, they should have it show up on their credit report as a late payment. I think this would scare more people than the fishing license idea as having bad credit can keep them from purchasing new items or getting a new home. Some, however, will never own a home but they may purchase an ATV or car as most people drive. I think this idea would carry more weight than the other idea but what if both were initiated. It would cover a greater group and probably motivate some to keep current on their support payments.

While waiting at a Dr.'s appointment, another woman told me that her grandchild hadn't gotten anything for years and finally last month they got a payment for $40. She couldn't figure out why the non-custodial parent finally made a payment. I shared that in our state, the non-paying parent can get only so far behind before the computer flags the system to take away the drivers license and then if they make a payment, the clock starts again. This game can go on for years.

A good friend of mine went through years of getting $25 - $50 payments every few months. In the end, the ex committed suicide. She never did get the support owed.

I've heard lots of stories about parent's quitting their job to avoid having to pay or to get assessed less due to lack of income. Many work under the table in order to not have to pay support.

What is sad, is the cost to the state for these "Dead Beat Parents" who could pay but choose not to pay. There is a cost to evaluating the case, taking it to court, re-calculating payments etc.


 The biggest cost is to the children. How can a child compete with those with a two parent home and income when the custodial parent has to continue to pay legal fees and is strained with being a single parent taxed in many ways? I see it among my children's friends and in my own life. I am so tired taking care of house, kids, cars, etc that I can't always be there and allow my children to do all the things the older girls did when I wasn't as tired or financially strained...

Some just like to "mess" with the state and their "ex" not caring what scars it may produce on their own children. But then again, if it were ever about the children, would they be in that situation to begin with?

What these parents fail to realize (and perhaps it is beyond their comprehension as money is the end all to some,) is that they are missing out on what could be a wonderful situation with their children. Children grow so quickly and kids are observant and "See" things no matter how hard we try to keep it from them. So, if the non-paying parent shows up with a new car, toy or trip and then don't pay support, the children know exactly where they rate... Kids grow so quickly and once they have been hurt, they close a door. Once that door is closed, it is really hard to get children to open it again.

The two methods that the states use to punish non-paying parents hurt the children as they take away driving privileges or put them in jail. Either ends up with the non-paying parent not being able to earn money to support the child by being in jail or not being able to get to work. Neither is a good option. The other problem is that they don't assign any fees, fines or interest. They don't charge them layers fees or any reimbursement for the lawyers that try the case for the state. Why should the tax payers have to pay for all that and not the non-compliant parent?

With all the polls I've taken, I think there is an argument to "revamp" the state's system. Is there anyone out there who has the time and energy to take on a state system that isn't working? I think sometimes people run into just the right person to help, or are thrown into situations for a reason. Have you ever met someone who was just the person you needed to meet for a particular situation? It happens to me all the time. Perhaps my poll questions inspired someone to make some changes....

All I can say at this point is "YOU GO GIRL!" and I hope it works out for you in the end...... If you speak loud enough to enough people, perhaps you can make someone listen at the right time to make some changes... I am proud of you!

(For the pictures on this, I wanted to search and find a parent walking away and a child sad left behind but obviously I would have to stage it as I can't use someone photo so I went through our photos looking for the girls looking sad and these were about the only one's I could find. The shadow shows the girls holding hands but the other thought I had is that sometimes a divorce causes such stress that all that is left of a child is a shadow of who they were and it takes some time for them to find themselves again. The last "Shadow" picture shows them years later jumping for joy. Eventually, children recover some but I don't know if children of divorce ever recover fully. The top photo is just something we took at a "photo shoot" we did at a park but really in divorce, the financial games that get played sometimes put the children in "jail" as they are held back from being able to do things that other children may be blessed to do. This one at the end is really a joke but it fit the whole "jail" theme so I thought I would throw it in.)