The Power of Touch For Good

I love touch. My mother was always stroking our hair, rubbing our backs and touching me my entire life. If she could reach you, she touched you. She was this way with everyone. I was looking for a picture and found this one of her hugging some workers who had helped her in rehab at one point. This translated into me always touching my children, rubbing their feet, backs, hands and to this day, I love it when they will hug me or scratch my back.

I didn't realize how much I needed touch in my life until my divorce. I realized during that time that even though much of the touch I got being married was negative, it was still touch. I have heard studies and stories about touch dealing with orphaned babies thriving when touched and those that weren't touched deteriorated or died. 

I thought about that during my divorce as when my kids were gone, there were days, even weeks where I had no human touch. 

One such time, I had a friend invite me to a movie. At the theater, there was a married couple sitting behind us that we knew, the husband put his hand on my shoulder and asked how I was doing with everything. I was taken back as most of our couple friends avoided me during that time as they didn't want to get involved or "pulled" in to take sides. 

When I went to my ecclesiastic leader a few years before, when my former spouse had gotten violent with me, the leader gave us his advice and suggested some options. As happens in those type of cases, things improved temporarily and then went back to as they had been rather quickly. After that time, the leader avoided eye contact with me. I took it personally for a few months and then realized that the leader didn't want to "see" that I was staying in an abusive relationship yet wasn't equipped to deal with such a situation. He did his best to counsel us but in the end, I chose to stay. I didn't see that I was looped into an abuse cycle at the time.


During my divorce, I once again noticed that my friends husbands and some church friends that were male were always looking past me when talking to me and I would stop and look behind me to see who they were looking at instead of looking directly at me. It took me a month or two to figure out that, once again, the men didn't want to see that something they couldn't fix was happening. It was very strange for me, yet I was able to understand that many men are wired that way. They are "fixers" and if they can't "fix" something, they don't want to see it. I have met other women who had this same situation happen to them as well. 

Thus during that time, I had been feeling very alone in many ways as we used to be the couple that hosted a Valentines Party and a Halloween Party for all our friends every year. Once we split, those friends continued to have parties, but now I wasn't invited. I didn't blame them, but it was hard to go from being the planner and involved to not getting invited to do anything. My divorce took well over two years and even then, it was appealed and went on so things didn't settle down for many years.

I realize that this information is probably more than I have ever shared in ten years on my blog about my personal life, but I share that so you will realize where I was when this man touched my shoulder and asked how I was doing. His male touch in a sweet and healthy way along with his kindness in asking how I was doing when most of my friends were avoiding me, truly nearly brought me to tears in that movie theater. 

I am posting this as I had similar experience this past Sunday. I was attending a farewell for a friends daughter and during the talk, I thought about a few situations with this friend that had happened over time and just recently, I went through some court documents and in going through them, it brought up some intense feelings that stemmed from the first few months of my divorce. I went to this friend and shared how I had been hurt by that at the time and had thought I was over it until I read those documents. I told her I had been able to work through those feelings and was shocked that after 15 years, one piece of paper could bring up such feelings. She has been a dear friend for over 20 years and I so appreciated that she could allow me to share that experience with her. There have also been times where I know I had offended this friend and I was grateful that she would forgive me of those times as well. 

I was pondering on that and other things during the talk and giving gratitude that forgiveness is an option and that I know that Christ atoned for our sins and that I can be forgiven and forgive others through his example.  

The talk ended, my friends other younger daughter got up to head to the front of the meeting to sing a song and she was sitting behind me. She touched my shoulder and either asked how I was doing or said it was good to see me there or something but the words were a bit hazy as when she touched my shoulder in such a kind and loving way, I was taken back to that time many years ago when someone directly behind me touched me and showed he cared. 

After the meeting, I told her daughter how much that kind touch meant to me as I was sitting there on a bench by myself alone. I thanked her for her kind words and gentle touch and commented on how you don't always realize how much you need touch until you don't have anyone there to touch you. 

She seemed to appreciate those words and I am sure she had no idea what her little gesture meant to me. 

I wasn't able to go visit them after the meeting as I had obligations at my own church that day but I usually help the family clean up or set up the meal after the farewell if I can, but did offer to help before the meeting if I could. Later that afternoon, one of the family dropped off a beautiful miniature buttercup daffodil planter and some gluten free pancake mix. I laughed as this friend is always so good to make sure she has things I can eat and enjoy when she plans activities. 

I felt so loved and appreciated that day and am so grateful that kindness and forgiveness can melt those harsh or hurt feelings away and that I am blessed with such amazing friends.

A few years ago, another friend planned a Valentines couples party and invited me and a few other single friends to her couples party and I appreciated so much her thinking of me when planning that as sometimes Valentines Day can be hard for singles. 

I am so grateful to those who share touch with me. I have a dear friend who went to massage therapy school with me and many times over the years she will invite me over for a massage and I hate to say I am not as good at giving back to her as I should be. I love her so much for her thoughtfulness and kindness to me. 

I used to go to the nursing home and rub patients feet with lotion and sing them their favorite hymn or carol over the holidays as I know how much touch can heal. I am sure that is why I became a nurse and a massage therapist. I hope I can start feeling better so I can once again do service like that.

Anyway, I just wanted to share that maybe there is someone in your world who needs a gentle touch. I pray we can all be guided to helping those who may just need a loving touch! 

Have a "touching" and Blessed Day!