Stalking Part 4 - Using Governement and Community to Stalk and Harass

My friend has been through lots of stalking and most of it personal but she has had her share of her ex using the government and others to abuse her. 

Her children have spoken to police many times, social services, guardian ad-litems, mediators, evaluators, lawyers, counselors, civil liberties workers, Doctors, Dentists, and a few more I may be forgetting. 

If one has lots of time on their hands, and are unbalanced and unforgiving, they can search websites devoted to "Pissing off your ex" or "getting revenge."  She know this as her ex told her he was looking at such sites. That in itself is a bit scary. She knows that he has gotten lots of his ideas from such sites and has probably written on a few as well. 

I thought I could write these posts about stalking to inform others about the craziness that is out there as most people think it couldn't possibly be true that people are so obsessed over someone. However, that is because they are normal and don't think like the possessive type personality. These type of abusive people feel that they "own" their partner or spouse. He would say, "If I can't have you, no one can." He wasn't joking or making that comment in jest. He really meant it. I heard it myself.

Many times, he would call the police saying one untrue thing or another. I witnessed calls made to his phone where he had blocked all the numbers she had available from calling him. He then waited until late at night and called the police saying "she wasn't allowing him to speak with the children and would they please go check and make sure the children were safe." She got a call from some hysterical children saying the police were banging at the door at 10 at night while she was finishing up a meeting. 

When she arrived home, she told the officer that the children had spoken to their dad by calling through others numbers but that all her numbers to call from were blocked from calling his phone. He told her that was what the children had said as well. When she tried to call the blocked number with the officer there, it went right through. He had unblocked it before calling the police. He asked to speak with the police officer. He asked the officer if the children were safe and would he be writing a report about the issues? There was a report. However, there were many witnesses about the blocked numbers and the children speaking with their dad on other people's phones so it was just a way for him to abuse her using the police. 

Another way was to give her a "new" phone number to have the children call. He would never answer and it would go to voice mail. When the police were finally involved due to him not speaking with the children again, when the number was called with the police there, it didn't have his voice-mail on it anymore, it was "Johns" phone. My friend could show through calling records that they had tried to call him and that he had told them to call that number but the police don't take the time to see that stuff. She has had to get into a regular habit of making police reports to cover herself due to these types of games.

There are so many more times when he made accusations about her not giving medical treatment. She had to have Doctors write up reports. Claims she was anorexic and taught a daughter to be bulimic. That resulted in visits to Dentists and Doctors for reports for them both. Claims of  "Inappropriate sexual behavior" which resulted in a visit from social services. Claims of neglect which got a social service visit and a Guardian ad litem put on the case. 

Suits and subpoenas or threatening letters to local Doctors, Dentists, and other caretakers for the children. Suits to the school district, state records committee, appeals of court decisions to the supreme court. Complaints to the bar about mediators, legislative complaints against the judges, suits to the children's counselor for records, complaints to the civil liberties union about caretakers for the children., Refusal to pay medical bills, insurance co-pays, private investigators calling the house, spying on her and reporting on things in court. Anonymous calls to community organizations that were helping her such as the woman shelter, or letters to the editor about agencies that did help her. Of course, he hid behind them being from "anonymous" as he knew no one would believe his claims anymore. 

This last one was an "anonymous" call to her career overseeing committee claiming she was doing inappropriate behaviors while at work. This resulted in an investigation and the state coming to her home and questioning her which threatened her livelihood and ability to provide for her family.

I have to say, she has been forgiving and continues to pray for him to find peace in his life. Obviously, he doesn't know what peace is as he continues to take her to court and can't seem to move on. But, he has never won. All the times he has involved the police, the courts, social services, local agencies, mediators, evaluators, paid people off, private investigators, posting her life online on his many "groups" etc. He has never won. Each time, it backfires or in some way God has protected her. 

She knows he is incapable of letting her go. She says she feels he can't let go because she was the only person to truly know who he was inside and still love him. His mother doesn't know all the stuff he does, his current wife doesn't know all the things he does. Yet, my friend knows that he is a child of God and at some point must have been really hurt in his life and felt VERY out of control to have to take so much control over someone else. 

For her sake, I pray something changes. If not, I know she will continue to be amazing and do a great job in her life with her children and family. In the end, her ex is the one that isn't really living. By focusing on her, he isn't focusing on living his own life. Soon, there won't be any reason to go to court, no children to influence, then what will he control?