A Thoughtful and Patient Friend

I had a friend send me a text yesterday as he needed to know details for something he is ordering for me. The gift he ordered is probably one of the most thoughtful and insightful gifts I will ever get. 

I cried seeing the pattern / design for the gift as I immediately knew what it was for and was very overwhelmed by the depth of his knowledge and how he listened to something I said in one of my blog posts or videos quite a while ago. He took that one sentence I shared back then, and is having something beautiful made for me. 

I shared with my girls what he had ordered and they all said, "Wow, that is a perfect gift for you mom!" so even they recognized how insightful the gift he ordered is for me. 

I arrived home today from an appointment, and there was a delivery box on my porch. When I opened it, it was a wooden sign with, "The Secret Is Gratitude" engraved on it! It was from this same friend from my past. I felt very overwhelmed and stressed by the gifts as I know one is VERY expensive. Even if both weren't expensive, just getting showered with gifts from a man made me uncomfortable. 

I have gotten some beautiful gifts over the years and feel so blessed to have so many people care about me. I didn't realize until today, that I have never felt comfortable with getting gifts from men. I enjoy flowers, but in my marriage they represented either his having done something to hurt me, or him sending them to my school or work making him look good. He wouldn't give them to me with a hug privately, he would do it where the other women would say, "Oh, you have the best husband" which always made me feel like he was doing it for him to look good, as that was a large motivation for everything he did, rather than for me in any way. I would share something I may like for a gift and he refused to ever give me something I wanted and would buy gifts that others would notice and then I would say where I got it making him look good, but almost every time, he would buy things I wouldn't use so he would be upset when I wouldn't wear them or use them. It is like giving someone a motorcycle helmet that is really nice, but they don't ride motorcycles.

For example, one year I asked for a sewing machine and I got a pearl bracelet instead. I needed a sewing machine to sew clothes for the girls and things in the house and LOVE creating things. I had several small children and wore no jewelry at all as every time I did they would get broken so for most of my children's lives, I didn't wear jewelry. I went to visit a dear friend a few years back and she said, "You are wearing jewelry! You never wear jewelry!" So, it was clear that I didn't wear jewelry when my kids were young! ha ha

So, I pondered on that and then in visiting with the friend who sent the sign today and ordered the larger gift, I kind of pushed it away emotionally and distanced the gift while texting back and forth. I hurt his feelings doing that and in visiting after that, I had that realization I shared above about receiving gifts from my former spouse, and then had an even deeper realization that when I was younger, there were people in my life who gave me treats and gifts to earn my trust only to hurt me. 

I realized from this friend being patient with me and giving me time to share what I was feeling and look at why I was so overwhelmed with his gifts, that I needed to let go of that mistrust of men and the belief that men can only give me gifts with an ulterior motive. 

I can let men do service for me without that belief, but when they give me something, I am suspect. I also realized that maybe I probably put some of that energy towards my former spouse and always mistrusted his gifts, but know that there is a little of both situations going on in that situation with the attention gift giving gave him. 

It was all just really cathartic having those break throughs, and I realized that this entire situation was needed in my life and I give gratitude to God, and my friend, for giving me a situation that would help me get to that realization. 

I know that sometimes men do give gifts with expectations, but now I realize that I can assess the situation and not just react with suspicion out of reflex.

I am blessed with good friends in my life and I am grateful they are patient with me! 

Have a blessed day!