It is hard watching her be so tired knowing she is nearing the end of her life. If you follow my blog, you will know that she has faced her fears of dying and forgiven where needed and asked forgiveness where needed.
Here is a link to the post where I share about her doing that.
Yesterday, my brother came to pick my mother up. She was so tired when I showered her that she sat on the toilet crying flopped over and I put a towel around her and used a blow dryer to keep her warm until she had enough energy to allow me to get her dressed.
I had her oxygen up high hoping she would get enough oxygen to not be so tired but all the tricks that worked before didn't work.
It was rough as when I got up and went in to get her ready for her shower, I found her sitting up in bed sobbing. She had about 20 tissues on the floor near her bed. I asked her what was wrong and she said, "I'm dying."
I tried to tell her that it was "OK" that she had lived enough for many people as she was a national beauty queen and traveled the world representing the U.S. She sang in the Tabernacle Choir for 10 years. She raised 8 children that have done amazing things around the world. She has over 50 grand children and counting and already has double digits of great-grand-children. She has spoken to thousands of Christians around the world for generations giving suggestions and words of encouragement.
Even with all those words of praise, she told me "You don't understand because you aren't dying." I guess she finally "realized" that there most likely isn't much time left and that things won't be getting better.
Those events started my day off rough and I literally carried her folded over on my back shuffling her feet making "choo choo" sounds encouraging her as I got her to my brothers motor home and he pushed from behind as I lifted her up on my back up the stairs. She was so tired by the time we got her seat belted into the comfy chair watching a video for the long trip "home." I don't think my brother realized how fragile my mother was until he witnessed me having to "carry" her on my back. As I said "goodbye" she started crying and told me "thank you" for taking care of her. I thought it could be the last time I see her alive. I turned to come back into the house and noticed the beautiful daffodils that are blooming in my yard and my mother commented on them every time we left the house. She always comments on things of beauty she sees. I smiled as I went in.
I wasn't home alone for long when Princess Four came home for her spring break. She went to the store to purchase some food since I hadn't been able to go as I didn't have anyone to sit with my mom as my family was camping and Princess Five is on a choir tour. Princess Four arrived home with a beautiful bouquet of brightly color tipped shasta daisies. I had just been giving gratitude for all the flowers in my life while my mother stayed. Princess Five got flowers from being in the Prom royalty and took tons of pictures of them and left them for me on the counter with a sweet note when she left.
Here is a link to the post about Princess Five getting flowers for being Prom Royalty.
Before that, my cousin sent my mother flowers for Valentines day that lasted a month. Here is a link to my post about the Valentine Flowers.
I have tulips and the daffodils blossoming for the past few weeks in the yard and I was giving gratitude for the beautiful flowers to cheer my mother and I through this difficult time. Into my mind came a song that I love called "He Gives Flowers To Everyone" by a wonderfully talented woman called Cherie Call. I've seen her in concert and she is really one of the most down to earth people I have had the honor of seeing in concert. She has so many songs that really "touch" you. I truly am grateful that God does give flowers to everyone and that He blessed me with them when the past few months have been so challenging. I am blessed!
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