There have been moments this week where I got really frustrated in the fact that divorce, "The big D" has some stigmas with it and also in many ways hurt women in general and keeps them from being able to move on.
Many times, like in my case, there is a clause in the divorce that states, "If she remarries, moves, cohabitates, or the youngest child turns 18, she must pay the equity in the home to the former spouse." This clause somewhat holds the divorced mom captive keeping her from really ever being free to date and marry because she will be financially punished if she did try and move on. In my case, if I married before Princess Five was 18, I would have had to pay nearly $50,000 to marry. Princess Five turned 18 and I had to pay the equity in the house. Interestingly enough, he owes me more in alimony than I owe him on the house equity.
Then comes the alimony clause, "The former will pay alimony for the length of the marriage unless the spouse dies or remarries." Well, that clause gives one hope for a bright future of joy and contentment. Once again, our society forces the woman (in most cases) to be forced into staying single and raising children alone for if she looks to move on, she is once again financially punished.
Today, if I got married, I would lose about fifty thousand dollars in alimony. So, if I remarried even five years ago, I would lose $50,000 in equity and $100,000 in alimony. It makes it very hard to marry someone who makes an "ok" living and has his own kids. Society only values the time put into the marriage working to help provide for the family or supporting while they went to school, or taking care of the home, washing clothes, making meals etc as long as one stays single?
There isn't value in those things if one chooses to move on with their life and find someone who would possibly be a better father to their children and a better grandfather to their grandchildren? Society is creating a "forced single parent" situation as to keep them single in order to be or get valued. I believe that if the woman chooses to remarry, perhaps the alimony could be paid in a single payment just as if she marries, she has to pay equity in the home in a lump sum. It would be an incentive for her to be able to move on and take some fear out of the situation.
Things need to change. Society needs to change. There is value in the things that couples do for each other and punishing someone for moving on and seeking something better shouldn't be the goal, yet, that is what is constantly happening. Women (and some men) are afraid to marry again as if it doesn't work out, the alimony doesn't get reinstated. I can see why people don't want to remarry on many levels but a single mom struggling to keep the kids in clothes, activities, sports, clubs, and just fed, I didn't have the luxury of marrying for love when the need for financial support was needed.
I have already posted about how some people withhold even child support until compelled by the state to pay and then make minimum payments until the state stops watching only to stop paying again costing the state high fees in lawyers to come after the same offender over and over. Others, write letters requesting documents over and over to the government agencies just to "screw" with those working for the agencies costing them time and effort to reply as it is a law the agency has to provide those documents in a timely manner.
The situations truly need to be looked at as some situations just aren't working. The law stated that a parent keep the unwed child on the issuance until age 26 for example, what agency supervises and regulates that law? I haven't been able to find anyone who has any authority on that subject. So, even though it doesn't cost a married couple more to keep those children on the insurance family plan, some children are being taken off the insurance at age 18 out of spite.
Obviously, there are some issues needing to be looked at and I guess if you find true love, it may be worth losing those funds. Here is looking for True Love!
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