This week, I have been working on sewing a T-shirt quilt for Princess Three. (Click here to see a post about that.) While I have been working on the quilt, I threw in a few movies I had collected from second hand stores that I haven't seen and started watching them. I rarely ever sit and watch a movie. The only time is when I have company, I am giving the girls a pedicure or manicure or when I am working on a sewing project.
This week, I have been working LOTS on sewing projects trying to get things finished for Christmas. With that, I have watched about 5 movies I have never seen before. It is easier for me to buy them second hand for a few dollars than to rent them and not get them watched and pay the same few dollars to a rental place. Buy purchasing them, I can watch them when I have time.
One of the movies I bought was one with a "twist" ending. Now, I don't want to ruin the movie for you if you want to watch it but here is a trailer for the movie called, "Meant To Be" by a Christian group. I knew NOTHING about the movie before I put it in only that it was decently rated and that it was something I hadn't seen. I will watch just about anything while working on projects as they keep my mind busy while working.
It was an "OK" movie, nothing to write home about as it was a low budget movie. The twist at the end was that the main character was not actually alive. He was aborted by his parents. He doesn't realize this the entire movie until the end as he is on a quest to "find" his birth mother thinking he was adopted.
This movie took me back to many different moments in my life. I used to judge somewhat my friends that had had abortions or those who contemplated getting abortions even though I loved them and understood where they were in their lives, I think somewhere down in my gut I judged them thinking it was murder so how can they be forgiven of that. Flash to a very difficult time in my life. I was married with several small children. I was in a VERY unhappy and abusive marriage. I was working as a nurse. I was struggling with my spouse and how to deal with keeping the kids safe and happy and his very up and down mood swings. He wouldn't stay on meds and when he was doing better and we told him, he would stop taking what made him better. I truly NEVER knew what to expect and was living on pins every second of every day and night. There had been some physical abuse. There was LOTS of emotional and verbal abuse and I had contemplated leaving so many times but kept going back to my demented thinking that I was "saving" my kids from having to be alone with him. At this point, he was gone often traveling with work and we only had to deal with him some of the time so in my abused thinking, I was better off dealing with him where I could "protect" the girls rather than have them ever be alone with him.
I went to work at the hospital one night as doing the night shift, they would be sleeping and not left with him much, I was super tired and dropped things over and over. That is NEVER a good sign in my world. That usually meant that I was pregnant. I asked the lab if I could get a pregnancy test. They gave me one and when I arrived home after my night shift, I took the test. I had such mixed emotions. I WANTED a large family, I just didn't want it with my current spouse. I was TERRIFIED how he would react. I thought to myself, "How can I keep myself safe while telling him?" I thought if I had a video camera on when I told him, that would keep me safe. So, I wrapped the test in a little box with a bow, took the video camera with me into the bedroom when I heard the alarm go off and handed him the box WITH THE VIDEO ON!
He opened the box and told me in a very cold and stern voice to "TURN OFF THE VIDEO CAMERA!" I was scared and he proceeded to yell at me about "how come I couldn't use the pill and it was my fault!" and many other hurtful things a newly pregnant woman doesn't want or need to ever hear." I left the room and went down into one of the other bedrooms and sat crying when the thought came into my mind, "I can't bring this sweet baby angel into this HELL!" Just for a moment, I considered abortion. It was a flicker in my thought process. I never really considered it but God has a way of putting us in situations that we may have judged others for in the past. At that moment, I asked for forgiveness for ever judging a woman who has had or thought about an abortion! WE NEVER know the situation someone is in when they make that choice.
From then on, my attitude about abortion has been one of BOTH the baby and the mother being victims. I loved when I found the quote at the top of the post from Mother Teresa. Now, I have had many situations dealing with adoption, premarital pregnancy and friends contemplating and friends having abortions. I have a very close family member that "had" to get married and is still very happily married today. I have another very close family member who gave a baby up for adoption when she was 16.
I have a best friend who had three small children and got pregnant after her divorce and considered and had an appointment for an abortion but changed her mind and later remarried and her new husband adopted the child and he is now a teen and driving.... I KNOW they are VERY happy she made that choice.
One close friend had an abortion when younger and then wasn't able to have children after getting married and I know the guilt has caused her much grief in her life as she has tried to numb the guilt with prescription drugs and has had many trials due to that including losing several spouses and adopted children.
Another girl I know, was raised in an abusive situation and got pregnant very young and had an abortion and the guilt and grief were so great that when we finally got to what was causing all the depression and guilt in her life, she couldn't not even utter the words but actually wrote them down for me to read as she was so ashamed she couldn't even say the words.
I am not writing this to make anyone feel guilty but I want everyone to know how grateful I am that I did not stop having kids even though my situation was horrible. There have been at least 20 times in the past two months I have given gratitude for my younger children. NOT ONCE since having them did I regret it. I know my friend that kept her son feels the same way.
HOWEVER, I DO know that my friends that did have the abortions, regret it OFTEN! There is no judgement from me for either choice but just know that if you ever find yourself in the situation where you or someone is contemplating abortion, just speak to someone from both sides. I think you will OFTEN find those that had an abortion think, "Where would that baby be now, or what would it be doing now?" Also, sometimes they have difficulty feeling "worthy" to have another baby because they feel like they "killed" one but like I said, we never know the nightmares of others.
I did some searching online and found a couple who actually started the process to abort their baby because they were young and unmarried and then were so sick about it that they called and found out that they could reverse the first abortion pill. I linked their story here. Thank heavens their little girl was born healthy and I loved that they shared their story and contact information so those in similar situation could contact them.
I also linked above to a story about three women who work in an abortion clinic telling how many times babies are born alive and are killed after they deliver and how they know that the babies can feel what is happening.
The next video is a woman who was a failed abortion and was only alive because the abortion Dr. wasn't in the building yet or he would have killed her when she came out burned from the chemicals used to cause the abortion. She was testifying before congress. Her name is Gianna Jessen. She has an interesting story.
The next video is Dr.Anthony Levatino who is also testifying before a congressional hearing. He preformed over 1,200 abortions and has come to realize what he did was wrong and asked them to not allow them. He actually adopted a child as well.
I left the uplifting story of their healthy baby for last as I think it is such a sweet story. They are such cute parents and are so happy and grateful their baby lived after the started abortion.
If you are in this situation or know someone in this situation, just love them. If I hadn't been raised the way I was, I know I could have gone through having an abortion because my life was a living hell! I would have thought I was saving my baby from joining me in that hell I was already in and it would have been another mouth to feed and someone else who needed me when I was already so stressed and overwhelmed.
I am SO grateful for my girls. I have NEVER regretted having them. The rough times pass and life moves on and I have been SO much happier single than I ever was married and my girls are the JOY of my life. I asked the Princess that this story is about if it was "OK" to share this and she said that it was. We have had a special joke between us for years now, "I LOVE you and I WANT you!" as she has often felt that she wasn't wanted. I tell her, I ALWAYS want YOU, I was just in a BAD place. She has come to accept and forgive me for those thoughts I had and understands what I was going through. I long since deleted the video I took that night not ever wanting her to see it. I can't say that I am sad that I went through this experience though as it gave me understanding of those women who have gone through abortion and I truly have realized that Mother Teresa's quote is true. There ARE TWO victims in every abortion!
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